Fiction, Monologues, Plays & More
Lights come up to two women. Woman 2 is holding a doggy sweater and Woman 1 who is dressed like a Goth girl and is holding a Voodoo doll and has a really surprised look on her face.
WOMAN 1: I can’t believe that actually worked.
WOMAN 2: I can’t believe that you killed my dog.
WOMAN 1: I didn’t kill your dog.
WOMAN 2: Excuse me? Who was the one that held a voodoo doll in the air and yelled out, “In the name of the spirits take this dog!”
WOMAN 01: Like that was suppose to do anything.
WOMAN 2: Well obviously it did do something. Like kill my dog. (Starts crying) Ah, BooBoo Babykins.
WOMAN 1: The dogs name was BooBoo Babykins?
WOMAN 2: Yes, what of it?
WOMAN 1: Nothing, it’s just a very stupid name for a dog. Are you sure the mutt didn’t off itself?
WOMAN 2: For your information she wasn’t a mutt, she was a pedigree Irish Palma-doodle-wawa. And yes I’m sure that the dog didn’t off herself by spontaneously exploding into smoke seconds after you asked the spirits to take her.
WOMAN 1: Like I said that wasn’t suppose to happen. Plus, you asked me to do it.
WOMAN 2 :I most certainly did not.
WOMAN 1: You picked this up and said, “What’s this used for?”
WOMAN 2: You could have just told me. A live demonstration was not required.
WOMAN 1: Well, some things are hard to explain.
WOMAN 2: Like why you killed my dog?
WOMAN 1: I didn’t kill your dog.
Shows her the empty doggy sweater.
WOMAN 2: Well, how do you explain this?
WOMAN 1: Bad fashion sense.
WOMAN 2: I can’t believe that you’re joking about this!
WOMAN 1: I’m not joking, it’s an ugly ass sweater.
WOMAN 2: It is not. She looks absolutely adorable in it.
WOMAN 1: Don’t you mean used to.
WOMAN 2: (Starts crying) Oh god, BooBoo Babykins! Don’t worry, I shall avenge you.
WOMAN 1: What are you doing?
WOMAN 2: Talking to my dog.
WOMAN 1: Oh, then you’ll need this.
Hands her the VooDoo Doll.
WOMAN 2: Oh thanks. I shall… (realizes what she’s holding and throws it back to Woman 1) Oh no you don’t. Don’t try to drag me down to your level, dog killer.
WOMAN 1: I didn’t kill your dog. What I did shouldn’t have done anything. Watch.
Lifts the VooDoo Doll up in the air.
WOMEN 2: What are you doing?
WOMEN 1: Demonstrating that I didn’t do anything.
WOMEN 2: Don’t you think you’ve demonstrated enough for one day.
WOMEN 1: Oh, for Heavens sakes.
Woman 2 ducks down.
WOMEN 2: At least give a countdown.
WOMAN 1: Okay fine, 3,2,1… in the name of the spirits, give me a million dollars.
WOMAN 1: (CONT’D) See? Nothing.
WOMAN 2: Then how do you explain this and don’t you dare make another joke about how ugly the sweater is.
WOMAN 1: So now you’re admitting how ugly it is.
WOMEN 2: No, because it’s not ugly, it’s adorable. And quit trying to change the subject.
WOMEN 1: I’m not trying to change the subject. I didn’t do anything that would have killed your Foofoo Baby.
WOMEN 2: That’s BooBoo Babykins.
WOMEN 1: Whatever, it was a faggity ass dog, with a faggity ass name, with a faggity ass sweater.
WOMEN 2: I’m sensing a lot of hostility. Are all satanist this cranky?
WOMEN 1: I’m not a satanist.
WOMEN 2: Oh, I’m sorry, is that not PC? How about supernaturally Canine challenged. Does that do it for you?
WOMEN 1: You know, you’re being a real jerk all of the sudden.
WOMEN 2: You killed my dog. How else am I suppose to act?
WOMEN 1: For the last time I didn’t kill your dog.
WOMEN 2: Well something happened to her.
WOMEN 1: Listen, this is just a cheap doll that I bought as a joke in Tijuana. It doesn’t have any supernatural powers associated with it. I have no idea what happened to your dog, but it didn’t have anything to do with me. I don’t have any other way I can explain it better than that. And if you don’t believe me then you can just drop dead.
Woman 2 drops dead on the floor. Woman 1 looks at Woman 2 for a second and then the doll.
WOMEN 1: (CONT’D) Ah crap.
Woman 1 puts the doll down by Woman 2 and runs off stage.
Jeff Folschinsky’s plays have been seen at various theaters across North America. He is also creator and staff writer for Perilous and The Trials and Tribulations of Vicky Vixen, a serial late night soap opera spoof at the Eclectic Company Theater in North Hollywood, California. Jeff’s plays The Unsinkable Bismarck, A Pill By Any Other Name Is The Wrong Dosage, Rendezvous and Revelations and Kisses From Abroad are published by One Act Play Depot. His full length play Turkey Day that had it’s world premiere at The Eclectic Company Theatre, is published by both Norman Maine Play Publishing and Big Dog Play Publishing. His play he co-wrote with Tyler Tanner The Singing Bone is published by JAC Publishing. Jeff has written and produced the popular podcasts Virgin Falls, Pasiones Obsesionantes, The B-Movie Bastards and Cult Movie Cuisine. Jeff has also written a movie with Tyler Tanner and Stephanie Wiand called Revenge of the Bimbot Zombie Killers which was directed by Joe Camareno and is due to be released later this year.