Fiction, Monologues, Plays & More
A man stands center stage and very rigid. Only his eyes and his mouth move
MAN: Alight, alright. Keep it moving. Keep it moving. Give other folks a chance… Hi sweetie…. That’s a pretty bow… look at you all dapper, kid. Must be a Sunday. They always come dressed a little better on Sunday’s for some reason. No don’t put your nose on the glass. No, don’t – (sigh!) – Thanks pal I’m going to be staring at that until closing. If cleaning notices it. But that new lady is not the most detail oriented. Normally she just vacuums and talks on the – Oh thanks! That was nice. Thank you! Oh! Oh! Here comes one……..it’s all about me…..however wrong it is…..(sigh) Oh, man. I still haven’t got a grasp on Japanese. Korean? No problem. Modern English? Piece a cake. But Japanese? Sheesh. You figure after a hundred years in this dump…. Let’s see if I can follow along with hand gestures.
MAN breaks out of pose and starts to move with very broad tour-guide like gestures.
True. I was found in a bog. True. I’m about 400 years before this Christ guy. Whoever he is. Do you know how long it took me to figure out what B.C. meant? Okay this is where it gets interesting…..False. The dog that was found with me? And-in-the-display-case-to-your-left. Was not my faithful companion. It was some damn mutt who tried to make a meal out of me after I fell in and then got stuck himself. False. The grain in my pocket was not an offering to the gods. It was for my sister-in-law. She did not have enough to plant for the year. Which is where I was headed. I mean, Jesus – your term – why can’t a guy just have some grain in his pocket? ….aaand False. This is not royal garb. My daughter made me this. She likes stars. I wore it every time I went out the door because it made her smile. I still remember that smile. I’d do anything for that smile. Hence the cloak. That third guy from the left knows what I’m talking about. I see your pink cuff links. You got a cutie, pal. Don’t be stupid like me. I should have never gone out in that rain…This is the one that gets me – No! I was not murdered! I was hit by a falling branch. A branch is like a club and they are both made of wood! I’m not….. I’m just a guy, folks…that was running errands and had an accident. You all come to this place to look at gold, to look at sculptures, to look at the monuments and the accomplishments of man…..and then you look at me. Thinking that I’m important because you simply dug a hole in the earth and you came across me. You look at the artifacts around me, even the contents of my stomach, I mean really?, and you think you have a nice neat little answer. You know what? You didn’t dig deep enough. Did you stop to consider that I even had a daughter? Heck, that I even had a neighbor? And I’m allergic to dogs? What color were my eyes? Do you think about that? I had a life. People that loved me. I wonder if she got married. How she died. No I don’t want to think about that. But I hope she was happy. That’s all I really hope for. Hey Frank! I haven’t seen you in a while. Brought the grand-kids, huh? With the sketch pads? Kids your granddad and I go back a long time. His grandad brought him here with his sketch pad and they would draw pictures of me and when they were done they would show them to me. I have to admit the first time it happened, I kinda freaked. But I thought it was a nice gesture. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am about Linda, Frank. I know you loved her very much. Still got the ring, I see. I remember her long brown hair pulled back. I remember those interesting necklaces she wore. I remember those big curious blue eyes. I remember…..I remember.
MAN goes has made is way back into a rigid pose and lights fade
Originally from Texas, Tyler Tanner, as a young lad, dreamed of becoming the next Don Dokken. At Lon Morris College his musical tastes refined and realized he was more of a Robert Goulet type. He then tried his hand at writing comedy. It started with an online comedy troupe called What’s Wrong With Wally, then evolved to Tres Grimm at The Met and a late night serial comedies at Sacred Fools and The Eclectic. He has now “matured” to drama where he incorporated his wittiness and love of history into a monologue called “A Life” which played also at the Eclectic.