Eclectic Voices

Fiction, Monologues, Plays & More

Dancer! The Reindeer Monologue

ChorusLinePart of the Eclectic Voices Holiday Issue
a monologue by
Ken Patton

A single Director’s chair sits onstage. The actor, MALE, age open, mimics finding the right ‘space’ on the stage through ‘goalpost fingers’, a.k.a. using his hands as a viewfinder. Once he is satisfied, he takes his position, DS of the Director’s chair, and he stands stock still, facing the audience.

[takes a deep breath] Ok… you can do this… 1… 2… 3.

[sings acapella]
Give me somebody to dance for,
Give me somebody to show.
Let me wake up in the morning to find
I have somewhere exciting to go.

To have something that I can believe in.
To have something to be.
Use me… Choose me.

God, I’m a dancer,
A dancer dances!

Oh, god… there I go, channeling Cassie again! I swear… [silence – staring straight, deep into the audience] you DO know what it was that I was singing I hope! If you don’t, well then let me clear up something right here and now, right off the bat – I can’t be bothered with anyone who doesn’t know that reference. And one other thing you should know… All of this [gestures at himself] all of THIS is all about this!

Utilizing a series of dance moves, DANCER ‘dances’ from center stage to SL, then across to SR, ending with a grand, elaborate, flamboyant pose. Realizing where he is, and what he just did, he starts moving back towards CS while talking.

I know, I know… I moved out of frame again. God, the worst thing you could to is to tell a dancer that he needs to stand still, in one place… you just don’t get that, do you? Why can’t the camera move? Why does it have to stay still? Why, oh why have I been reduced to finding a mate this way?

No… don’t answer me. And before you speak and ruin the moment, NO, I DON’T want to start over again from the beginning. There’s good stuff there. I really connected with Cassie’s anthem, so let’s just pick it up from here… you can edit out that terrific dance routine that didn’t even get caught on film, cause why? THAT DAMN CAMERA DOESN’T MOVE. [takes a deep breath] As I was saying… I wouldn’t be interested in dating anyone who didn’t know that what I was singing was the opening lyrics to ‘Music And The Mirror’ from A Chorus Line’. You see, I’m a… I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

I’m a dancer. Actually, my name is Dancer, and yes – I know what you’re thinking, so let me clear that up for you too. Yes, I am indeed THAT Dancer. And no, I didn’t get the name because I’m a dancer, though to this day I think it’s uncanny that Momma was able to sense the perfect name for me when I was born. I’ve since come to believe that it must be a reindeer thing, for the others are pretty aptly named as well. But a lot of humans choose names for their young that have a specific meaning as well, so why should it be any different for my kind?

From the time I was a calf… yes, I said calf. Not fawn, calf. Stag, doe, fawn – those are terms for deer; I’m a reindeer, damn it. Anyway… from the time I was a calf, I was different. What made me happy was different from what it was for the other calves. While they were all playing their reindeer games, I would find a quiet and secluded thicket, and I’d dance. I would repeat a certain move or step for hours until I had perfected it. I think it was my strength, grace and stamina from dancer that helped me to join that elite team of flyers – Santa’s flyers.

And no — I won’t answer all of your questions about the others. But I will tell you this – One, we’re not all related… we are co-workers, pure and simple. The whole Santa thing is just a gig, a job like any other job. Just because we can all fly doesn’t mean we all came from the same womb – every species has their mutations; flying is just a rare one of ours. Not all reindeer can fly; and not all reindeer who can fly work for Santa – he only picks the very best of the best, and you have to work your tail off to become a member of his team.

Two, I’m not Vixen; I haven’t slept with all of the others on the team. The very thought of that turns my stomach. Talk about issues – they may be gifted, but that is one messed up bunch of reindeer.

And three – if you’re watching this recording, then you are also open to interspecies dating, which is great. Sometimes I find myself drawn to a nice, big bull with HUGE antlers, and sometimes I find that I’d much rather curl up by the fire with a nice, strong, broad shouldered two legged hairless chap who’s funny, quirky and warm. I think men are hot, but don’t ask if you can ride me – it’s just not gonna happen. Well, not until we get to know each other a little better, but I digress… back to what we’re doing here… me, and my profile.

My earliest memories are of me dancing. Round and around the living room I’d twirl – dancing filled my heart with joy, and it lifted my spirit. At least, that’s how I describe it. It makes my spirit feel so light, and so free that to this day, I truly believe that is my key… my trigger if you will, to my being able to fly. I just close my eyes, and I let the music fill my senses… all of my senses.

Some people say that when they hear music, they see colors. I understand exactly what they mean, for I don’t just see colors, I see shapes, and swirls, and movement… all sorts of movement. In my mind – in my world music moves and flows, and I just… well, step up onto it, and I take a ride. It’s like music is a magic carpet or something. My mind makes the music, my body rides the wave that it creates, and I find that I can soar higher and faster and farther than I would have ever dreamed possible. Flying for me is just dancing in the air. It’s magical, and glorious, and it makes me feel alive… and free.

Even when I’m on the ground, I can’t just walk. No… not me. I find that I skip, I glide… I chasse. My Momma sure named me right, cause from the moment I wake up, to the moment I bury my muzzle seeking sleep, if I’m not actually dancing, my mind is filled with thoughts of dancing – others might call it an obsession, but to me, it is my passion. It is like air, for I can’t live without it.

And there you have it. That’s me… and that is my story.

They say that those rare reindeer that can fly are touched by magic, and that they will live full, long and active lives. I pray, with all of my heart for that to be true. I dread the day when my bones may whither and become brittle – when my joints creak and crack, and I can no longer dance with the wild abandon that fills my day with joy. I pray that I’ll be able to dance forever and a day.

DANCER’s attention is diverted for a moment, as he seems to be receiving ‘instruction’ from an unseen individual. Composing himself, DANCER continues.

I apologize… I seem to be getting off topic. Please don’t think that dancing is all that matters to me – ah, contraire. I may love to dance, but I also enjoy long walks… good food, and stimulating conversation. I love to cook. If you’re into musicals, that’s a huge plus. If you can actually quote lyrics and dialogue from musicals, even better; and if you can perform a number from a musical, and that musical happens to be a rare one, that’s off the beaten path… that most haven’t ever heard of, then I guarantee you’ll get to ride me after all!

Embarrassed, DANCER pauses for a moment before continuing.

What it boils down to, is this… I’m looking for someone who can create the music that makes my heart, body and soul want to dance. You don’t need to be a musician – that’s not what I mean. What I’m saying is… well, if I’m a waffle, you be the syrup that fills my craters! Oops… wow – that didn’t sound right. I just want someone that I fit with – so that the two of us fit together well. You know… salt and pepper, strawberries and cream, chocolate and peanut butter. Be the yin, to my yang. For I know, deep within me, that when I find the right one, together we’ll find ourselves dancing… through life.

Yup… you’re right — that was another reference from another musical. I can’t help it… I was born that way! But if you caught that, you just might be the right one for me. So… now you know what I am looking for – be you reindeer or man, might that someone be you?


Born in Dayton, Ohio and raised in New York and California, Ken Patton has been passionate about words, theatre and music from an early age. Upon graduating from the University of California, Los Angeles with a BFA in Theatre, Ken continued his career in the Entertainment by spending the next 3 years at Columbia Pictures Television participating in their now defunct on-site talent training program, learning the various aspects of Television production. Ken has been known to serve as a Producer and Story Consultant for various independent features. Ken also works freelance as a Production Manager, Event Manager, and Consultant. Currently, Ken is working on the book and lyrics for an original, contemporary musical Dirty Martini. Workshop performances for Dirty Martini are slated for later this year.

3 comments on “Dancer! The Reindeer Monologue

  1. Tyler Tanner
    December 4, 2013

    People around me were wondering why I was laughing so hard. This was awesome.

  2. Taylor
    December 5, 2013

    Fabulous – that’s what I have to say! Would love to see someone do this one, you know? But I have to admit, much as it pains me, I immediately got the Chorus Line reference (of course!), but I’m not sure what show you are referencing at the end… It’s driving me crazy!

  3. lauraleebahr
    December 7, 2013

    I’ll be your syrup… 🙂

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This entry was posted on December 2, 2013 by in Monologues and tagged , , , , , , , .
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