Fiction, Monologues, Plays & More
a monologue by Jeff Folschinsky
“Why don’t we just fuck, and get it out of our system.” I just stood there shocked on how seamlessly that phrase just popped out of my mouth that night. I mean, I guess it had been building up for awhile, but somehow saying it out loud, suggesting that we did something about this tension that had been building up between us. Putting it out there in the physical world just seemed unreal. Like a line that had been crossed, but you didn’t know if crossing that line was a good or bad thing. It just simply was— Well, that’s the thing, it just was. There were simply no words for it. It was like slapping someone in the face and challenging them to a duel, and there’s that tense moment afterwards when you’re not sure what the other person was going to do about it. When she leaned in and kissed me, I have to confess it took me a moment to react. I mean obviously the challenge had been accepted and nothing between us would ever be the same again. It was a beautiful night. There was nothing cheap about it. It simply was— Well, it simply was. When morning came, I snuck out of bed early and made us both breakfast. I remember as we ate we couldn’t stop looking up at each other and smiling. Neither one of us said much, we didn’t need to. To try to put what had happen into words would have ruined the moment somehow, and we wanted to hold onto that moment for as long as possible, at least I did. There were certain realties that we couldn’t get around, and as beautiful as the night was, we were going to have to face them sooner or later. It’s funny, how something that felt so right and natural, would be thought of as wrong by so many people. I mean infidelity, cheating or adultery, just sounded so vulgar and disgusting to describe what had happened between us. Let me ask you. Wouldn’t it have been more vulgar and disgusting to live in regret, because we were both too much of a coward to take that extra step? To always wonder, what could have been. To live with that never ending and continuing feeling of want, forever eating away at your very soul? Now that would have been vulgar. Of course all these things I tried to push out of my mind,not wanting to spoil whatever that was happening between us. Not wanting to spoil that smile of hers that caused my heart to beat so hard it felt as if it might pop out of my chest. Not wanting to prepare myself for the inevitable. It was only after she left, that I allowed these dark thoughts to start stirring. Like a violent storm that had been forming overhead and just then broke. Raining down on me and filling me with the dread of what the future now held for us. Leaving me wondering and hoping if this was the beginning, but really knowing it was the end of everything we were, or could be? It’s just unbelievable that all that potential was held hostage not by the guilt of what we had done, but realizing the next day we didn’t feel guilty at all. And that’s ultimately what drove her away. It’s a strange thing to think, that not feeling guilt over something was exactly the thing that made her feel guilty and fearful, but it was. I think it was because it really forced her to reevaluate the direction she was going. And if someone thinks they’ve gotten their direction already figured out, then being forced to rethink things turns into a scary proposition. If she had not been engaged and I…well, if my timing wasn’t so awful, then this might of had a happy ending. Instead it was— Well, it just was. Like the image of watching her drive away that morning, and knowing there was nothing I could do except slowly watch, and try to fight to hold on to that image of her smiling face. Knowing that every time I tried to picture her and that night, that the image would always be just a little more difficult for me to see. Until in the end, all that was left of us, was a faded memory of that perfect night. When everything simply was, and always leaving me wanting just a little bit more. One might think receiving an invitation for todays affair could be considered as cruel, but in the end, it will be just one more thing in my life that just simply was.
It Simply Was… was originally performed by Sean M. Kozma in the Eclectic Voices monologue show The Big Day, in April & May 2014.
Jeff Folschinsky’s plays have been seen at various theaters across North America. He is also creator and staff writer for Perilous and The Trials and Tribulations of Vicky Vixen, a serial late night soap opera spoof at the Eclectic Company Theater in North Hollywood, California. Jeff’s plays The Unsinkable Bismarck, A Pill By Any Other Name Is The Wrong Dosage, Rendezvous and Revelations and Kisses From Abroad are published by One Act Play Depot. His full length play Turkey Day that had it’s world premiere at The Eclectic Company Theatre, is published by both Norman Maine Play Publishing and Big Dog Play Publishing. His play he co-wrote with Tyler Tanner The Singing Bone is published by JAC Publishing. Jeff has written and produced the popular podcasts Virgin Falls, Pasiones Obsesionantes, The B-Movie Bastards and Cult Movie Cuisine. Jeff has also written a movie with Tyler Tanner and Stephanie Wiand called Revenge of the Bimbot Zombie Killers which was directed by Joe Camareno and is due to be released later this year.