Fiction, Monologues, Plays & More
This story was inspired by a photo from AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. Click on the AWKARD to the left or on the link at the bottom to see the image.
by Tyler Tanner
Hi Uncle Bob! Hey Aunt Marge! Happy Thanksgiving!! Hello Toby! My gosh! Toby’s getting big, isn’t he? What’s that? He’s only two month’s? You don’t say? Come on over to the kitchen and make yourself useful.
Grandpa’s just about to put the turkey in. Grandpa, look who’s here? No! Not Edwina! This-is-your-son! Bob! And this-is-your-daughter-in-law! Marge! And this-is-Toby! Your Grandson! Yes! I know that you already have one, but this is the new one!
Whew! Despite all that’s happened he is getting better. But at Halloween we had to restrain him from attacking a six-year-old Wolverine. Those claws did look pretty real, I must say. But still. Anyway, no one can cook a turkey like Gramps. And he still won’t tell us how he does it. I guess his technique will die with him. Let’s not hope too soon. Otherwise widdle Toby will never get any of Gwandpa’s delicious turkey that we wuv so much! Isn’t that right Toby? Oh! I’m sorry! I thought we had a play-pen left over in the attic to bring down for Toby. I guess we must have donated it. We can put him on the couch with blankets if you like. It shouldn’t be a problem. The dog will leave him alone, I’m sure. Hey that’s a great idea Grandpa! Let’s use one of those. We bought a three pack. Y’know, just in case. Well would you look at that? That’s so adorable! He fit’s perfect. We have to get a picture!
I’m posting this to Facebook right now! Do you want me to tag both of you in this? Okay…..done. This is going to get tons of likes, I’m sure of it. Fine! Fine! We’ll leave. We won’t try to to spy and get your “secret” recipe. Would you all care for some wine? I’ve also got Scotch. Let’s go into the living room. No, I’m sure toby will be fine. Grandpa will you watch Toby? TOBY?!? Your Grandson! I know you already have a – Look! You see this kid here next to the turkey? Make sure that he doesn’t fall out! Okay?
Here you go Bob. Tomatin 18. None of that cheap stuff. Only the best for family. Cheers. …..Toby’s fine, don’t worry. Grandpa will take good care of him. He’s been doing it for years. Yeah, he slips every now and then. But he’s much better when he’s around family and friends. Which is why I’m really glad that you came all of this way to be with him. You guys must be beat. No! Not at all! Me casa, Su Casa. The back room is over there. By all means take a cat nap. Dinner won’t be ready in a few hours or so. Get rested and we can talk later. Yes, I’ll watch Toby, Marge. Don’t you worry. All right, see you in a few.
Grandpa? How you doing back there? Do you want me to come and get Toby? You’re – oh for the love of Pete. The baby next to the turkey! ……..Okay, fine. Mmmm I’m a bit tired myself. I’m going to take a nap grandpa. Are you good?….Are you sure?…. Okay……… zzzzzzzzz……
Ah! Hey, was that the timer gramps? Turkey’s done! Bob, Marge! Wake up! Time for dinner. Let’s go in the kitchen. Gramps do you need help with any of the ……what’s the turkey doing on the counter? No, it’s not in the oven. It’s right here. No we did not have two turkeys, we had one. We got the extra pans because I had a coupon!
Wait a minute…….Where’s Toby? OH DEAR LORD!!!!
Originally from Texas, Tyler Tanner, as a young lad, dreamed of becoming the next Don Dokken. At Lon Morris College his musical tastes refined and realized he was more of a Robert Goulet type. He then tried his hand at writing comedy. It started with an online comedy troupe called What’s Wrong With Wally, then evolved to Tres Grimm at The Met and a late night serial comedies at Sacred Fools and The Eclectic. He has now “matured” to drama where he incorporated his wittiness and love of history into a monologue called “A Life” which played also at the Eclectic.