Eclectic Voices

Fiction, Monologues, Plays & More

The Lord Giveth

awkward

This story was inspired by a photo from AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.  Click on the AWKARD to the left or on the link at the bottom to see the image.

a monologue by Tyler Tanner

BART: Hello Lord……..It’s me again. Bart? From Glendview? Anyway, I know you must be busy and all but I wanted to thank you for making the Bible Camp such a huge success. Becky and I have had a wonderful time with the kids. Everyone has learned greatly from your teachings this summer. Although little Davey was a little too enthusiastic when he beamed that rock at that bigger kid. True the kid’s name wasn’t Goliath, but I guess Davey thought that Gordon was close enough. Gordon’s parents were understanding. Would you believe that it wasn’t the first time that Gordon was hit by a rock by a Davey? It happened last year at a different camp, that poor guy.
Anyway, we’ve now been going strong for three years in these beautiful woods that you and the city let us use for all of these months and it’s like we have a family of our own.

Which is why I’m praying to you I guess.

Becky and I have been married for ten years. Well, you know that, you were there. But while we’re very grateful for your many blessings that you have bestowed upon us, we really want a child of our own. I know that the doctors said it wasn’t possible and that situation with Becky’s father won’t even let us foster, well…….but……if you could find it in your heart to bless us with one. We’d really appreciate it. I have a good Christian all my life and so has Becky. I mean, we even met on a missionary in Botswana. I know the Bible says that you can’t give us any more that we can handle. Well, we’ve been handling twenty-four kids for months on end. I’m sure that we can handle one. I mean, you should see Becky with the toddlers – she’s a natural!

And you know that we’ve only had….relations, when it pertained to trying to get said baby. And we never take off all of our clothes during said relations because that would be shameful……so Becky says. Which leads me to the question: Why do babies always have to be naked? Why can’t they just come clothed normally? Like a doll in a box? That would be less embarrassing for the child I think……of course it would get rather messy when it came to changing him….or her! I’m not going to be picky. Anyway, Becky and I just wanted to say thanks for all the goodwill, for keeping us fed and keeping this Bible Camp afloat all of these years……but if you could just consider what we talked about, that would be awesome…..Amen

KRA-KOW!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD: Done!

BART: Huh? ……BECKY!!!!! Come quick!!!! And bring the Camera!

Click here to see the photo that inspired the story.

________________________________________________
Originally from Texas, Tyler Tanner, as a young lad, dreamed of becoming the next Don Dokken. At Lon Morris College his musical tastes refined and realized he was more of a Robert Goulet type. He then tried his hand at writing comedy. It started with an online comedy troupe called What’s Wrong With Wally, then evolved to Tres Grimm at The Met and a late night serial comedies at Sacred Fools and The Eclectic. He has now “matured” to drama where he incorporated his wittiness and love of history into a monologue called “A Life” which played also at the Eclectic.

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This entry was posted on November 24, 2014 by in Monologues and tagged , , , , , .
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