Fiction, Monologues, Plays & More
Our Monthly challenge! Please write a story/monologue/ about time travel. Max word count: 500 words.
The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side of the Timeline
By Mark Bate
My name is Harry. I work for DOTT, you know the place, the Department of Time Travel. It’s the big gaudy looking building downtown with the weird window thing in the middle. Anyway, I’m a Time Adjustment and Manipulation Specialist. We’re known around the office as… Tammys. You know, Time Adjustment, T – A – M for, you get the idea. Well, not the most glamorous of positions around the DOTT offices I can tell you. You see, due to governmental place testing I am, what they called, “not suited to oversee and manage the organizational structure.” That means no corner office for me. Would’ve been a nice paycheck too. Ch-hing! You know what I mean? Ch-ching! Oh, and due to a, in their words, “lack of physical prowess, strength or health” I am not one of the super cool Time Enforcement Agents. How do you like your TEA? Hot. Pow! Pow! That would’ve been nice. Running around shooting everyone. Time Cop! Pow! Pow! Anyway… don’t get to do that. Can’t forget, their test results reported “does not have social skills requisite for interaction and task resolution with clientele.” I had to look a few of those words up, but what it boils down to is the rude smug bastards don’t think I can handle dealing with people. Guess there goes my dream of slaving away in the Customer Unification Nexus Terminal Services. Boohoo! I’ll just go cry a river over that one. Boohoo! They do have nice chairs over there, though. You know, the leather ones, ergonomically designed for your back, and they have wheels on them and the tile floor so you can slide back and forth, you get the idea. Won’t be doing that. Bummer. But I will get to go in everyday, drink the same old coffee from the broken machine they refuse to fix, hunker down in my same cramped cubicle to scan over all the previous days paperwork and if, God forbid, some jackass has left something in the past, I have to open a case file, notify my stupid boss I’m traveling, to when and where, in “case something happens”, so I can locate whatever got left and get it back before some ancient person comes across it and potentially, who knows how badly, spawn some anachronistic timeline, blah, blah, blah. I could hang myself. Just last week I had to travel to ancient Egypt to get a David’s wristwatch. You know David? Tall guy, glasses, always wears that hideous tie. Perfect hair. Hairpiece! That’s all I’m saying. Hairpiece! I had to keep David’s watch from being discovered in the 1920’s by a German archeologist. Fun. A couple of years ago, like that matters, I had to travel to keep an American tourist from finding a Mayan cellphone, close call there. Amateur hour! I mean please. Amateur hour!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go rescue a freaking electronic cigarette from the top of Everest before Sir Hillary trips on it.
The Confession of a Time Traveller’s Assassin
by Jeff Folschinsky
Police Transcript: 2-837
I had to kill him, it was for the good of the universe.
You see, he had created Time Travel, or would have create it, or… I’m sorry, the tense is hard to keep straight in a case like this. Maybe you have an opinion of this. If you’re traveling through time, would the time traveller always be referred to in the present tense? Like if he goes to the past, would you refer to him in the present tense, because it’s the present to you? Which sounds about right, but he’s from the future, and therefore not of the present, but is speaking in the present tense, because in some weird timey-wimy way it’s still the present for him. Not that he was still in the present, because he was now in the past, but he was present in the past, which was present to us, not the future.
Do you see what I was, or am, or will be dealing with here?
Not only did he break the laws of physics, but he was destroying the very fundamentals of grammar at the same time.
You can see why he had to go, don’t you? His mere presence was going to, or would have, or already had disrupted the very fabric of reality, and at the same time, how people spoke with each other.
You don’t believe me, I can tell, I can see it in your eyes. I didn’t believe it as well, but that little time traveling turd changed my mind in a big way.
He never admitted he was a time traveller mind you, but he knew things, about me, about things that were happening, like they were the past to him, even though they were the present to me. In some cases though, it wasn’t the present but the future, which really blew my minds. Like the time we were walking down the street and he casually mentioned, you’re about to step in that puddle, and two-seconds later, guess what had happened? That’s right, I stepped in the dang puddle. If that wasn’t evidence that he was a time traveller then I just don’t know what is, or will be, or had been.
I mean that was just one example of many, I could go on and on but I think I’ve made my case here.
You’re probably thinking like I initially did, or am, or was though, that he was a tourist and was just harmlessly looking around. I knew though, the longer he was, or was going to, or had been here, the bigger chance of a paradox.
You know what a paradox is don’t you? It’s when two things are supposed to be true, but at the same time cannot be true, and the whole thing becomes a big contradiction.
Well, just by being here he was contradicting the universe out of existence. If he was just a tourist than fine, he should have, or did, or is presently came, had his jollies and then left, but he didn’t. He bought a house next to mine, signed up for the neighborhood watch, and began paying his taxes. It was clear that he was not, or had not, and is presently not going anywhere, and the longer he was here, the more likelihood of a paradox, so as you could see I had no choice.
I mean sure, I had stopped taking my medication, but I really think that was making me think more clearly in a case like this, and it was clear what I had to do, or will do, or had done. So you can look at me with those judging eyes as much as you want, because time itself will be my judge, and since we are, or had, or will be, still here. I think time is judging me kindly, and that all I have to say until my lawyer, therapist, and electro-shock technician are, had or will arrive.
END OF TRANSCRIPT