Fiction, Monologues, Plays & More
This month our writers were challenged – children’s book style. They had to take a Greek or Norse myth and rewrite it in the form of Dr. Seuss. Read below for what came of it! Thanks to writer Mark Bate for supplying the challenge.
Go Sisyphus, Go!
By Jeff Folschinsky
My name is Sisyphus, and it’s my mission to try. To push this bolder, up the hill that is high.
As I push with my hands ,and I push with my feet. The bolder gets closer, to the place that I seek.
Oh happy days are just mere moment away. I can feel the end coming, I’m happy to say.
Oh, what shall I do with all of this time I have found?
Maybe I’ll do something impulsive, like play with hells hound.
Or maybe I’ll just sit on top of the hill, and give a good look.
Admire the task, and the time that it took.
Feet are becoming inches, oh I’m almost there.
But the ground is becoming steeper, so I’m starting to fear.
Carefully I push, in hopes of reaching my goal.
To finally be able, to take flight with my soul.
Closer and closure, the end is in sight, but the bolder is slipping, on the top of hills height.
I yell out, “No, no you’re going to wrong way!”
But momentum takes hold, and sweeps it away.
Down the hill is goes, so again I must try. To push the bolder, up the hill that is high.
Screw you Zeus.
“I won’t look back!” Orpheus cried. As he marched to the world of the afterlife.
You see, poor Orpheus’ wife had died. If you were wondering how: it was a snake bite.
As he reached the roaring River Styx, Orpheus pulled out his famous tricks
to get past old Cheron and his three-headed beast, he got his lyre all tuned and greased.
Just a few notes in and there was no mistaking, the guardians’ knees were heavily shaking.
They were swaying their shoulders and bobbing their heads.
Cheron said, “This dude shreds. So I’ll show you to the king of the dead.”
“I won’t look back,” Orpheus uttered. “I’ve made it this far, I will not stutter.
I’m close to my wife, to getting her home. To pulling her out from this catacomb.”
“So you must be Orpheus,” Hades sneered, as he sized up the man who had made it here.
“The one and only,” Orpheus spoke. “I’m here to relocate my wife back home.”
Hades had heard of Orpheus’ gift, the dude could lay down a rock-hard riff.
So he did him a solid, cut him some slack. “Just one rule: as you exit, don’t look back.”
“I won’t look back,” Orpheus said. “I swear I will look straight ahead.
And walk out from this world of dread. Besides, who enjoys being dead?”
“Not me!” screamed dear Eurydice. “So right behind you, is where I’ll be.”
“How sweet,” said Hades, sarcastically. “Just remember the rule and you’ll both be free:
Don’t look back. Easy as can be.”
So the two took steps toward the light. Orpheus leading, his lyre to his right.
Eurydice following, filled with delight. Hades enjoying a lukewarm Sprite.
“I won’t look back,” Orpheus said. “If I want my woman I can’t turn my head.
Can’t twist my shoulders. Can’t pivot my waist. Just follow the path straight out of this place.”
“How you doing back there?” He called to his lady.
A hush filled the air. “Well, that’s super shady.”
“I’ll just take a quick look. As quick as a snap.
As quick as a mouse gets caught in a trap.
As quick as one falls asleep for a nap.”
And with that, Orpheus took a look back.
Like Hades promised, his wife was gone.
How could Orpheus continue? How could he press on?
How could he go back to the world up above without the hand of the woman he loved?
He steadied his shoulders, raised his chest, kept his lyre close to the vest.
Gave his face a sturdy smack and promised himself he’d never look back.
by Tyler Tanner
Little Medusa had a head full of snakes
That would make those around her shiver and shake
None of the Greeks would look in her eyes
Even after she made them Garblesnoot pie!
They would turn to stone! They would wind up dead!
So she decided to be friends with the snakes on her head, instead
There was Laverne and Shirley and Sue and Curly
And Amy and Cassie and Ingrid who was sassy!
There was Demeter and Persephone and Jade and Stephanie
And Calliope and Hera and Hanna and Sarah
Compiled together, they made up her hair
They would talk, they would gossip, they would prate, they would share!
They would make lots of styles from braids to buns
To brush-cuts to crewcuts to flips to chignons
She tried showing the villagers her new French Twist
But off they’d go running into the mist.
But it did not matter if they sneered and they scoffed
Because she had her friends and a wonderful coif
There was Athena and Antigone who had the agilty
To make a cool Mohawk or to rock some dreadlocks
And Coleen and Pauline and Gail and Mitzi
Who would all come together and make a great Pixie
So she was perfectly fine with the locals rejection
But there was just one thing
She couldn’t see her reflection
She would say “If I could see my awesome Tresses,
I would not have to take so many guesses
Of how good I look, which I’m sure is great
But I would give anything to look at my plait”
Then one day this guy named Perseus
It was rather discourteous
She soon could tell as the warrior came nearer
that the back of his shield was shiny like a mirror
Curious she went to it and started to pose
She regarded her eyes! She regarded her nose!
But most of all she looked at her hair
The writhing snakes slithering here and there.
They soon made do’s for you know who
And after seeing her coiffure, she was no longer blue
They made Bouffants and beehives
They tried pageboys and punk!
They tried pony tails and pigtails
They tried horsetails they tried – THUNK!!!
Twelve Reasons Not To Make Your Dad’s Wife Mad
by Mark Bate
A long time ago, or so it is read,
The family of Hercules, all of them dead
By his own hand, it did fill him with dread.
But it was Hera’s deceit that made him go mad.
Twelve labors of penance he was then to have had.
The Nemean Lion was first on the list
So he grabbed its neck and gave it a twist.
A deathly roar stuck short in its throat
Now it’s turned into an impervious coat.
The Hydra was second with heads upon heads.
Two for one, or so it was said.
And so he went one head, two head, three head, chop!
It took cauterization to get it to stop.
The Gold Hind of Artemis was at number three.
A deer so fast it was so hard to see!
or months he did chase over land and the sea
But quicker than that was ‘accidentally’ freed.
The Erymanthian Boar was next, number four.
It involved poison arrows, drunk centaurs and more.
Prometheus said to get on with the show
So he captured the boar with a net in the snow.
The Augean Stables, number five, it was sung.
The poop he did scoop, 30 years worth of dung.
Rerouted a river to clean it away,
Not happy was Hera at all that whole day.
The Stymphalian Birds at six on the list
Were tricky to get in the swampy swamp mist.
Castanets from Hephaestus is what did the trick.
He scattered the flock and shot quicker than quick!
Number seven had horns and was crazy, no doubt.
“I don’t care how you do it, just get that thing out!”
The Cretian Bull was hard to transplant.
Now runs in Marathon downhill, at a slant.
The Mares of Diomedes made men their main courses,
And man-eating horses can make deadly forces!
To keep them from hanger he fed them their owner.
The eighth labor complete, he returned them with honor.
The Girdle of Hippolyta was the ninth Labor, no bout.
The queen of The Amazons gave it freely, tit out.
But Hera disguised herself, spread rumors, caused hurtles.
He had to kill everyone to bring back that girdle!
The Cattle of Geryon was next, number ten.
Their owner he slew with the strength of ten men.
He rustled the cattle Hera spread wide and far.
It took him forever, but just under par.
The Apples of Hesperides were really quite tasty.
Golden immortality… but let’s not get hasty.
At number eleven he tricked Atlas and Nymphs,
And tricked them again to out of this pinch.
Cerberus was twelfth and the last on the list.
The Hound of Hades he wrestled with fists!
An impossible task, or so Eurystheus thought.
Then Hercules used three creative head locks!
His labors all done and his penance complete,
He started all over after Hera’s deceit.
‘Til it happened again, oh, how tragically sad!
To be happy and healthy don’t make Dad’s wife mad.